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What is toxic masculinity and why is it so harmful? How are men influenced by it today and is all masculinity bad? Keep reading to find out.
* The following blog is written in a format where the first paragraph/line of each section is an anecdote, and the following paragraphs in that section explain how the anecdote is an example of toxic masculinity.*
Toxic masculinity. It ruins people and corrupts their minds. It is some people's idea of manliness that sustains domination, homophobia, and hostility, but what many people fail to realize is that this notion does not only affect women, but men and society as a whole.
Emotional Withdrawal
Driving back from the laundromat, an argument sparked in the car as we made our way home. "You're the man!", my mother yelled, "You're the man!". Her voice echoed through the car, bouncing off the windows while my brother sat in the front seat, not letting his face waver as it was fixed into a scowl. His eyes watered, but not a drop was to be released, and we drove the rest of the way home in silence. . .
Men show no emotion because being emotional is something only for women to understand, says society, but the only emotion men should clutch within the palms of their hands is anger or nothing at all. It has caused them to be closeted about the way they feel and address certain situations. Toxic masculinity, a creation by society, has blocked men from being in touch and outspoken with feelings any human would experience, like sadness and insecurity. It has skewed the minds of people and affects our politics, healthcare, and lifestyle today.
Language
"Know your place." . . .
Such an exhausting phrase. Day after day, young girls around the globe are told that they are lesser than, that they are not wanted, that they are just producers and nothing more. The boys around them grow up to be the men that treat women as if they are inferior because of such small, yet simple phrases. Saying things like, "Men and women are meant for different tasks”, “I think men are above women", and my least favorite, “Know your place”. Why is it that men can tell women where they belong? What makes women so inferior? Why is it that society has made men so insecure to the point that they have to put others down to feel powerful?
Care
“Dad, my arm hurts”, said the little boy as he was helping his father in the yard.
“Man up son, a little pain won’t kill you”, responded his father. . .
When a child gets hurt, more often than not a girl will be taken into a warm embrace and taken care of while she hears voices saying, "It's alright, it'll be okay". She will be told to take a break. People will try to be considerate of how she feels and accept that it is a part of her nature to have such feelings.
On the flip side, many boys are told, “Suck it up! Be a man!”. They are told to stop being a sissy or a wimp. They are told that it should not be a part of their nature to be sad, or shy, or too happy. The boys then grow up with a caged heart and a selfish mind, thinking that their human nature is something to be ashamed of. Their minds are programmed from a young age that showing any feminine trait is forbidden, and would somehow emasculate them when in reality these traits are created by society’s narrowmindedness. Not God, not nature. Us.
Longing
‘I like her’, I think as I walk through the hallways with my friends. I would do something about it, something big, but what if people thought I was a simp? . . .
Those who long to be cared for long to care, but fear clouds their minds. They will never be able to connect with others fully because of it. Fear of rejection. Fear of judgment. Fear of being called names like pathetic and simp.
Femininity
I looked over at my mom and saw the lipstick set near the stacks of paper on her desk. It was a dark rouge, and I wanted to try it on so bad. It could give my pale lips a little more color, but I could not wear it because people might think I was gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m not gay and I didn’t want anyone to think I was. So I just left the room, my lips still as pale as chalk, and a little disappointed that I couldn’t dab some color onto them. . .
Throughout the years, being feminine has been portrayed as a negative attribute. Any female that dresses up girly is weak and dependent, and any woman that shows emotion is uncontrollable, although being emotional is seen as a part of her nature. Furthermore, although women have been put down for being feminine, being masculine is even more shameful for them to be. Similarly, the same thing often applies to men. At least today, women that show signs of masculinity are starting to be accepted, but feminine men are often stereotyped and criticized. If a man wears nail polish or makeup, he is automatically gay, and if a man were to be a ballerina he is a "prissy princess", or if a man cries, he is weak and incapable.
Men wearing makeup is not wrong. It has been done for generations. When going to the theater was more popular, men would dress like women since women were not allowed to act. Those men wore feminine clothes, put on makeup, and danced, all while still being men. Performers today wear makeup when they act and sing. Someone’s sexuality is not determined by what they wear on their face or body, and it is not okay to stereotype them and act like it is an insult. Being gay is not an insult, being emotional is not an insult, and being a male dancer is not an insult.
Finale
One thing must be made clear, however. Not all masculinity is toxic. Toxic masculinity only occurs when being masculine is associated with negative attributes, such as violence and arrogance. It is okay to be a man and be a leader, just as it is okay to be a man and follow others. It is okay to be a man and be loud, just as it is okay to be a man and be quiet. It is okay to be a man and be anything as long as it is not being done to put anyone down. It is okay to be sad, it is okay to be mad, and it is okay to smile. It is okay to not be okay. Men are not pathetic, and being feminine is not wrong. Masculinity is a mindset, a social construct. You are a man if you say you are, but toxic masculinity will always be wrong.
By Samyuktha Venkatesh and Rabi Ndiaye
Published on June 5, 2021
Credit for the cover image goes to, "The real problem with toxic masculinity is that it assumes there is only one way of being a man", by The Conversation.
Article Link:
it-assumes-there-is-only-one-way-of-being-a-man-110305
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